The Nigh Seen Creeder

After watching yesterday's Democratic presidential debate, Creeder Reader Mr. Jimmy had this to say 'bout John "Pretty Boy" Edwards:

"John Edwards is one of the silliest excuses for a dumbass sumbitch I've ever seen in my life, in my sad dumbass life. He's an insult to all men everywhere. I suspect he puts down a sani-guard when he sits to pee in a public toilet. God is there a more punkass pantywaist sissyboy biyatch in Washington DC today? ... [D]oes he even need a pouch, much less a cup, in his jock? Does he ever even need a jock? Oh God this is the future of politics?!

I responded thusly:

John Edwards is the quintessential Emasculated Male. While I'm not certain as to the size of Edwards' cojones, I think he thinks he has a brass pair the size of basketballs. I mean, the man didn't run for re-election to the U.S. Senate because several polls indicated that he'd lose, badly, to whomever the Republicans nominated; he got his ass dusted by Dick Cheney during the '04 V.P. debate; and he couldn't deliver his home state for the Kerry-Edwards ticket. If the folks in his own state didn't want his dumb ass in any elected office, why should Americans, as a whole, want the dumbass as their president?!

That said, here's how I envision an afternoon at the Edwards Estate ...

Elizabeth Edwards: Hey, John, I'm baking a big meatloaf for dinner! I think I'll whip up some mashed potatoes, too.
John Edwards: Baby, you know red meat upsets my stomach. I think I'll just have some cottage cheese and peaches -- maybe some brown rice.
EE: John, you're so picky! I guess I'll give the meatloaf to that little brown fellow who trims the hedges. What's his name? Geor-gee?
JE: Hor-hay, 'Lizbeth, Hor-hay! He may have brown skin, and he may get his hair cut at a barber shop, but that doesn't mean that he's not a part of these two great Americas! (Murmurs: Well, one's not so great, what, with all the shoppin' at Wal-Mart, living in tract homes, and wearing off-the-rack clothes.)
EE: Oh, I almost forgot ... I got us tickets to the Hurricanes game Thursday night. Right behind the bench!
JE: Hockey?! Blech! All that fighting and hitting. No ... thank ... you. Besides, you know I have my scrapbooking group on Thursdays. This is my week to bring the cucumber sandwiches!
EE: I'll ask Geor-gee, er, Hor-hay, if he'd like to join me. Big strapping man like that must love hockey.
JE: Hush, Honey, Oprah's coming on! George Clooney's her guest! (Murmurs: God, he has great hair.)

What is it they say 'bout many a truth being said in jest ...?!