Saturday, August 30, 2008


Gone fishin'

Joltin' Django is going to be visiting family for the next couple of days. He's gonna do some fishin', too.

The Nigh Seen Creeder will return on Monday. In the meantime, head over to A Man's Gotta Eat and check out my hot fish sandwich post. Mmmm ... hot fish sandwich.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Friday, August 29, 2008


McCain hits a home run

A little over a month ago, I endorsed Bobby Jindal for Vice President. 'Bout the time that I endorsed him, Jindal let it be known that he was more interested in being the Governor of Louisiana than the Vice President of the United States. So, the Jindal for Veep effort never really got off the ground.

In my Jindal for VP post, I provided a list of nine additional individuals whom I said would be fine choices for the 2008 GOP presidential ticket. Included in that list was Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. I didn't really explain why Gov. Palin - or any of my other choices, for that matter - would be a good VP candidate; but now that Gov. Palin has agreed to join the 2008 Republican ticket, I'm more than happy to explain ...

Palin is pro-life. I'm a ten-year subscriber to the Human Life Review, so I guess you pretty much know where I stand on the issue of respecting and protecting life.

Palin is pro-gun. I've written extensively about the fact that the 2nd Amendment protects an individual's right to bear arms, which the Supreme Court recently affirmed, and Gov. Palin shares that same view. She hunts and fishes, and she's a member of the NRA. I'd give anything to see her participate in a skeet-shooting contest with either B. Hussein Obama or Joe Biden. Wait ... I wouldn't want to see that. Obama or Biden, both girly men, would be more likely to shoot themselves than shoot a clay target. Indeed.

Palin knows how important it is for the United States to increase domestic oil production. Palin has long advocated putting drills in the dirt to extract the millions of barrels of oil in Alaska's federally owned lands.

Palin is a latter-day Jack Kemp. On taxes, trade, entitlements, earmarks, etc., Palin knows that the free market, when allowed to work, works. As governor, she's cut taxes, cut spending, and put the fear of God into bureaucrats (the bureaucrats she didn't fire). Compare the current economic health of free-market Alaska to union-dominated Michigan, and you'll know ... you'll just know.

All that said, B. Hussein, and Biden, and Oprah, and the left-wing hacks at MSNBC have to sweating like Michael Moore in a sauna right now, for several reasons:

First, Obama really f***ed up by not even acting like Hillary was on his list of possible Veeps. A lot of Hillary Clinton's female supporters were completely driven by the prospect that the United States might elect its first female Commander in Chief. A lot of 'em would've settled for a female VP, but Obama let 'em down in a big way when he put a boring white guy on his ticket. Don't think for a minute that Hillary's "feminist" supporters aren't thinking about Gov. Palin is a "Yes We Can" way right now.

Second, the Democrats did not see Gov. Sarah Palin coming. Give the McCain campaign credit for not allowing Palin's name to be leaked until about, oh, three hours before she appeared onstage with her running mate. All the Dems - read, the Obama campaign - could do was issue an incredibly inappropriate press release denouncing Palin as the "former mayor of a town of 9,000 with zero foreign policy experience." The last thing the Obama campaign needs to do is amp-up the debate about "experience" in this campaign. He's served four undistinguished years in the U.S. Senate (and he's spent the last two years running for President), and she has a four-year record of tax-cutting, and spending-cutting, and reforming government ... you know, executive experience.

Finally, Sarah Palin is raising a special-needs child, a child with Down syndrome. Barack Obama, as a Illinois state senator, would not support a bill protecting children who survived an abortion ... even after he heard testimony from a nurse who, for 45 minutes, cradled a Down syndrome-afflicted gift-from-God until it died. Obama is going to take a beating on the life issue -- you wait and see.

If we attempt to analogize baseball and politics, Obama hit, at best, a double with his angry speech in Denver last night. (Isn't he supposed to be the post-partisan candidate who'll bring us all together?) When McCain announced that he was picking Sarah Palin today, he hit a grand slam. He energized his base and reached out to disaffected Hillary Clinton supporters in one fell swoop.

Mark my words: When the polls come out on Monday, Obama and McCain will be tied (or McCain will have a one or two-point lead). When the Republicans leave Minnesota next week -- that is, after the voting public has witnessed a truly unified, on-message convention featuring government-reforming Senator John McCain and government-reforming Governor Sarah Palin -- McCain will have at least an eight-point lead over Obama.


Unconventional Wisdom

The current Sports Illustrated has a "vision" of a golf world governed by either the Republicans or the Democrats. It's pretty funny. To wit:

If the PGA Tour were run by ...


Republicans: Condi Rice
Democrats: Keith Olbermann


Republicans: Ponte Vedra, Florida
Democrats: Burlington, Vermont

Official Vehicle

Republicans: Hummer
Democrats: Prius


Republicans: Charlton Heston Memorial; Ozone Hole Open; Ayn Rand Rich Pro-Richer Am
Democrats: San Francisco Very Mixed Four-ball; Fair Trade Coffee Match Play; The Entitlement Open

New Rules

Republicans: Unlimited clubhead size
Democrats: Clintons (Unlimited mulligans)

Course Feature

Republicans: Flagsticks replaced by oil derricks
Democrats: Fairway wind farms

Purse Structure

Republicans: 1st, $1.4 million (100% tax deductible); 2nd, $1 million; 3rd, $750,000; 4th, $500,000; 5th and below, $0
Democrats: 1st, $5,675; 2nd, $5,674; 3rd, $5,673; 4th, $5,672; 5th and below, $5,671


Republicans: "These Guys Are Good and You're Not, So Suck on It."
Democrats: "These Guys Would Be Even Better If They Got a Federal Skills-Development Grant"


Quote of the day

"I've never seen such a sniveling bunch of bombastic, empty-headed, vacuous blowhards assembled in one place in my life."

-- Mr. Jimmy on the Democratic National Convention

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Robert Paxton is my kind o' college prez!


"Iowa Central Community College President Robert Paxton will collect $400,000 from the school in return for his resignation.

"After 13 years as president of the Fort Dodge school, Paxton resigned Wednesday, one day before the school’s board of trustees was scheduled to discuss an undisclosed 'personnel matter.'

"The special meeting was called after The Des Moines Register published a July 4 photograph of Paxton aboard a boat with a group of young people, holding the spigot of a small beer keg suspended over a young woman’s open mouth."

Forty-something Robert Paxton was invited to party with 20-year-old,bikini-clad gals who were eager to chug beer and vodka. He does not deserve special scorn. He deserves special praise, indeed!

I kid, I kid ...!


Just got this invite from Music Row 4 McCain (and I intend to be there) ...


First Performance

Monday, September 8th
6:00p.m. - 7:30 p.m.
Douglas Corner Cafe


Carson Chamberlain

Wrote the Alan Jackson hit "Love's Got A Hold of You" and George Strait's "The Best Day"

Gary Harrison

Wrote Deanna Carter's smash "Strawberry Wine" and George Strait's current hit "I Hate Ever ything"

Eric Heatherly

Nashville recording artist whose cover of "Flowers on the Wall" reached#3 on the Billboard charts.

Michael White

Wrote Mark Will's hit "Loving Every Minute" and Blake Shelton's "The Baby"

Free with donation to support local efforts

McCain bumper stickers will be available!


Douglas Corner Cafe
2106 8th Ave S., Nashville, TN

(Directions below)

For additional information contact:

Robert Schwartz, Music Row 4 McCain Chair


Additional Events are Scheduled for 6:00 p.m. on the following Mondays: September 22, October 6, October 20. Performers have not been announced.

Directions: Take I-65 to Wedgewood Avenue Exit. Turn left on EighthAve S. Douglas corner is on the left at thenext traffic light. If the parkinglot is full, there is usually sufficient parking on the neighborhood streets.


Recession? What recession?

The economy grew at a robust 3.3 percent rate in the second quarter. So if you hear someone say that the United States is in a recession, you should promptly tell that person that he or she is a damn liar.

Economic growth was fueled largely by exports, which is of interest considering that B. Hussein Obama and the in-the-hip-pocket-of-Big-Labor Democrats in Congress want to saddle the economy with protectionist policies.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Talkin' baseball ...

I watch a lot of baseball. And by "a lot" I mean this: I broke down and purchased Major League Baseball's Extra Innings package on DirecTV. I've missed maybe a dozen Red Sox games this season, and I don't intend to miss very many more.

During my baseball overload this year (and I'm using "overload" in a good way), I've come to the following conclusion: The Walk-Off Homer Helmet Hurl is one fad that needs to come to an end ... NOW!

For the uninitiated, a walk-off homer takes place when a member of the home team hits a home run in the bottom of the ninth, or tenth, or eleventh, etc., inning thus allowing his team to "walk off" the field with a victory.

Within the last three or four years, it's become extra-fashionable for entire Major League teams to take to congregating at home plate whenever a teammate hits a walk-off home run. Then, the feller who hits a home run hurls his helmet just before he reaches the plate. And then he and his teammates pogo-jump like they're at a Mighty Mighty Bosstones concert circa 1993.

The first few helmet-hurls were pretty cool, I guess. But it didn't take long for helmet-hurling and home plate pogo-jumping to become a clichéd spectacle.

When I was playing high school baseball, my coach suddenly announced that he expected us all to run out to home plate whenever one of our teammates hit a home run (high-fivin' and all that, you know). I wasn't a prolific home run hitter, but I was good for 10 or 12 each season. I let it be known that I would not high-five anyone, or otherwise celebrate, when I hit a home run. I stated, quite unequivocally, that I would sprint around the bases, touch home plate, and sprint to the dugout.

Sprint. Touch home plate. Sprint. That's all the professionals - that is, the Major Leaguers - need to do. So there.


Obama's Commie-radical problem

If you think that B. Hussein Obama's close association with a former - unrepentant - left-wing domestic terrorist is not relevant to the 2008 presidential campaign, ask yourself this:

If John McCain counted among his closest friends an individual who'd bombed an abortion clinic, or a white supremacist who'd bombed a NAACP office, would THAT be relevant?

This is good:

On Monday, while Democrats delivered vague speeches from a stage set that rivaled a rock concert, those outside the convention hall were left asking: Who is the real Barack Obama? The American Issues Project's new ad provides part of the answer.

The ad explores Obama's ties to William Ayers, whom the New York Sun describes as a "founding member of the group that bombed the U.S. Capitol and the Pentagon during the 1970s."

In 2001, Ayers Did Not Express Regret For His Past Conduct And Even Claimed The Weather Underground "Didn't Do Enough" Bombings. "Mr. Ayers wrote a memoir, 'Fugitive Days,' published in 2001, and on the day of the September 11 terrorist attacks, he was quoted by the New York Times as saying: 'I don't regret setting bombs. I feel we didn't do enough.'" (Russell Berman, "Obama's Ties To Left Come Under Scrutiny," The New York Sun, 2/19/08)

"Obama's relationship with Ayers is an especially vivid milepost on his rise, in record time, from a local official who unabashedly reflected a very liberal district to the leader of national movement based largely on the claim that he can transcend ideological divides." (Ben Smith, "Obama Once Visited 60s Radicals,", 2/22/08)

The fact that Barack Obama chose to launch his political career at the home of an unrepentant terrorist reflects not only a lack of judgment, but also real questions about his views. Obama's response to the ad? A full-throated defense of his long association with a man who says he didn't bomb enough U.S. targets. That tells us more about Barack Obama than any of the speeches we saw Monday night ever could.

To find out more facts about the Obama-Ayers relationship, just click here.


Cantor for Veep?

U.S. Rep. Eric Cantor's name has surfaced during the John McCain VP Guess Fest. Cantor wasn't on the wish list I posted a few weeks back. I gotta admit, though, that the more I hear about him the more I like him.

Here's what the guys at have to say about Rep. Cantor:

What John McCain requires in a Vice Presidential choice today is an individual who exhibits the best qualities of an intelligent political fighter. He needs a hard worker – a loyal, principled leader – an individual whose reputation is above reproach. And we are convinced that in this case, the right choice is clear.

Pitted in a deadlocked campaign against an eloquent yet inexperienced young evangelist of Hope and Change, McCain requires an individual who with every argument will prove that the Obama-Biden ticket is uninterested in real change or reform. He or she must be equipped to make the case that the ideas they espouse today are the same tried and failed liberal solutions that Biden has supported in his 36 year Senate career – the vestiges of the Great Society made shiny and new for a generation of voters who has no memory of their destructive effects on the nation. He or she must possess a bright policy mind and a telegenic demeanor for explaining these policies in the course of the ongoing debate. And in an election this divisive, McCain's choice must be prepared to fight for new areas of the voting populace, expanding the center-right footprint while simultaneously inspiring the portion of the grassroots base still unenthused with the top of the ticket, and not threaten to break the delicate coalition of the willing who have swallowed their pride to support a former political foe.

One of these tasks alone would not be easy – together, they seem nigh impossible. Yet it is our great fortune today to be blessed with an individual who has all of these qualities and abilities. He is a hard worker, bright, capable and principled. He is a family man, strong in his values, his faith, and his character. And he is truly a man of the right.

He is the Congressman from Virginia, Eric Cantor.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Who's next? Zoroaster?

B. Hussein Obama's supporters have at times presented him as Jesus, Moses, and Jesus, Jr. I guess it was inevitable that someone - in this case Obama himself - would make him out to be a latter-day Zeus:

"Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama's big speech on Thursday night will be delivered from an elaborate columned stage resembling a miniature Greek temple.

"The stage, similar to structures used for rock concerts, has been set up at the 50-yard-line, the midpoint of Invesco Field, the stadium where the Denver Broncos' National Football League team plays.

"Some 80,000 supporters will see Obama appear from between plywood columns painted off-white, reminiscent of Washington's Capitol building or even the White House, to accept the party's nomination for president."


I think I can't, I think I can't ...

As long as America continues to be dominated by "powers that be" who are guided by emotion more than reason and common sense, stories like this will continue to be the rule rather than an exception:

"A Connecticut youth baseball team with a phenomenal 9-year-old pitcher has been disqualified because its team is too good.

"The team, Will Power Fitness, has an 8-0 record thanks in large part to pitcher Jericho Scott, the New Haven Register reports. His pitching is so fast and accurate, the Liga Juvenil De Baseball De New Haven asked the team's coach, Wilfred Vidro, to replace him so he wouldn't frighten other players."

When I played pee-wee football, the league had a rule that prohibited larger kids from carrying the ball ("double-stripers" we called 'em due to the fact that they had two stripes on their helmet instead of one). The rule was put in place because some 11-year-olds were already pushing 200 lbs, and they had an unfair physical advantage over opponents who'd yet to pass the 100 lb mark. A skinny kid who tried to tackle a rolling tub of goo might've ended up with two broken arms, and the league just wasn't going to let that happen.

That said, the nine-year-old from Connecticut has no physical advantage over his opponents, other than the sling-shot of a right arm that was gifted from God. An important lesson can be taught to kids who have to face this pint-sized Nolan Ryan:

You're gonna have to deal with people in this world who may have more talent than you. The trick is to use your gifts and abilities to counter that person's gifts and abilities. If you practice, if you learn to keep your eye on the ball, you can get a hit against this kid. You may not hit it out of the park, but you can put the ball in play. The important thing is to try ... and not expect special favors. 'Cause their are no special favors in the game of life. The quicker you learn that, the better off you'll be.

Monday, August 25, 2008


Pics of the day

Bad winds started blowing in Nashville 'bout 3 p.m. today. When I got home, dark clouds were forming on the horizon ... and they began to swirl:

A funnel cloud started to drop down, but it retreated before I could snap a picture. This is all I got:

If I could make an honest living as a tornado-chaser, I would to it ... no sh**.


Re: Joke, er, Joe Biden ...

Democrat VP-candidate Joe Biden is a putative Catholic. Already a Web site has sprung up to challenge just how committed Catholic Joe is to his chosen faith. Here's the Web site: Catholics Against Joe Biden.

One thing from said Web site caught my attention. It was this quote from Joe "Full O' Plugs" Biden himself:

"The next Republican that tells me I'm not a religious, I'm going to shove my Rosary beads down thir throat."

Jesus was a Jew (I'm sure this will come as a shock to some of my Church of Christ friends). He knew Jewish law in and out during his life, and he was crucified by the Romans 'cause he was a militant Jew.

If Jesus had ever been confronted about his Jewishness, can you imagine -- can Joe Biden imagine - him saying that he'd shove a Torah down someone's throat?

Summer o' 2007, I purchased a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church at the Irish Picnic. I worked my way through it - even though I'm not Catholic - in about a week and a half.

Not to brag or anything, but I'll bet I'm more familiar with the Catechism than one Joe Biden. If'n he ever physically takes issue with my assertion ... he'll need to make use of those assault weapons he wanted to ban.

Shove THIS, Joe Biden ....


Nobel? No, hell! You don't know nothin' ...!

Leftist Nobel Prize-winning economists like Robert M. Solow ain't happy:

"Globalization and technology have increased income inequality around the world, four Nobel Laureates in economics argued, and governments should intervene to try to help those at the bottom.

Meeting on a picturesque island in southern Germany, the Nobel laureates focused Saturday on the growing gap between rich and poor. ... The discussion focused more on broad themes than detailed solutions. But the main thrust was clear: Free markets aren't always fair, and economists should help governments figure out how to make them fairer."

You'll need to buy a copy of today's Wall Street Journal to read the entire article. I'll save you two bucks and give you a brief synopsis:

There're are a lot of dirt-poor countries in this world, and the West ain't doin' enough to help 'em.

Over the past, oh, fifty years, the West has poured trillions of dollars into poor countries in Africa, Asia, and South America. These days, a lot of the countries into which Western dollars have flowed are just as poor as they were when Western taxpayers started subsidizing their economies.

I ain't no Nobel laureates, but I'm smart enough to know that poor nations ain't poor by accident. They're poor because: there're no property rights to speak of; they're led by despots who enrich themselves at the expense of the masses; citizens enjoy no rights of contract; and there's no such thing as the rule of law.

How many third-world nations 'round the globe respect property rights and contract rights and the rule of law? Not many, I assure you.

Someone once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Robert Solow and his left-wing Nobel laureate ilk want to tranfer even more monies from the West to poor nations -- even though they must know that such transers of wealth in the past have done little to lift poor nations out of poverty.

Is Robert Solow insane? I'll let you be the judge of that ...

Saturday, August 23, 2008


Pics of the day

I was leaving for work yesterday morning when I noticed that something was amiss across the street. I marveled at the sight of a street sign - a street sign still affixed to a sign post - leaning against a tree in my neighbor's yard:

Here's a closer look at the sign:

For the record, Joltin' Django had nothin' to do with that sign's appearance in my neighbor's yard. That said, I think I know why it was put there. But since I don't want my inbox to fill up with hate e-mails, I ain't even gonna speculate.


I wuz wrong

Never let it be said that Joltin' Django's afraid to admit when he's wrong. I said B. Hussein Obama would pick Indiana Senator Evan Bayh to be his running mate. Unless you've been hiding in a hole today, you know that Obama put Delaware Senator Joe Biden on the 2008 Democratic ticket.

Gary Bauer tells us 'bout Obama-Biden:

"The selection of Biden -- the 6th term chairman of the Senate’s Foreign Relations Committee -- is a direct admission of Obama’s own weaknesses and inexperience. In fact, when Biden was running for the White House last year, he specifically said that Obama was not ready to president and that the presidency 'is not something that lends itself to on-the-job-training.' He also said that it would be a 'tragic mistake' to nominate someone, like Obama, who does not have foreign policy and national security experience. And yet for all his vast experience, just like Barack Obama, Biden also opposed the troop surge in Iraq, which is now considered a stunning military success. The Democrats will have two defeatists leading their ticket." [Emphasis mine]

UPDATE: Richard Spencer says Obama's picking Biden "was a terrible misstep and demonstrates how seeking to 'balance' a ticket actually only serves to emphasize the negatives of both the candidate and his running mate."

More from Spencer:

Let’s take a look at some of the reasoning going on in the Obama camp and why little of it holds water.

1. Biden has foreign-policy experience: Well, yes, but he also voted for the Iraq war and often times tries to appear more hawkish than McCain in international affairs. I haven’t checked yet, but I’m sure the DailyKos, “netroots” types are really ticked off by the pick, and Obama will have squelched some of that “Let’s change the world!” enthusiasm in his movement-like base.

2. Biden is Catholic and culturally conservative, sort of: The Biden selection was, at some level, an attempt to win over those “bitter” Hillary Democrats in the small-town Midwest—Biden’s from a homely little state (where the Hell is Delaware anything?) and might seem like a “normal” churchgoing type. The problem is Hillary only began to seem like a conservative populist this spring because she was running against Barack Obama. But when those Hillarycrats from Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania go to the polls in November, Obama—and not this “average Joe”—will be at the top of the ticket. Moreover, traditionalist Catholics won’t pull the lever for anyone who’s pro-abortion.

3. Biden looks presidential: Perhaps this 35-year veteran of the Senate has elder statesman status in the DNC; however, Joe Biden is ultimately an obnoxious, arrogant loudmouth, who before the campaign is up will have made some absurd exaggeration or attempted some stupid tough guy posturing that will have harmed Obama’s chances.

What’s perhaps most remarkable about the pick is that Obama is taking on Hillary’s negatives—“voted for the war,” “ultimate Washington insider”—without gaining any of her positives—namely, those devoted Hillary women who still might not vote for Barack. Ralph Nader was right, if Obama really wants to win, he should have swallowed his pride and given the lady a call.

Friday, August 22, 2008


Oh, Yeah! (Ignorance ahead!)

I was tuned-in to Sean Hannity's radio program whilst driving home this afternoon. I was actually paying attention when a young lady called in to inform Hannity that he's a racist. Hannity's crime? He's taken to accusing B. Hussein Obama's supporters of drinking the "Obama Kool-Aid." Wow.

Anyone with half a brain knows that accusing a political figure - or a political figure's supporters - of consuming "Kool-Aid" is an allusion to the Jonestown Massacre, in which socialist preacher Jim Jones persuaded virtually every member of his cult to commit suicide by consuming poison-laced Kool-Aid.

Mass ignorance. That's what we Republicans will be fighting an uphill battle against from now until November.

Anyone with half a brain ...


"... one of the most ignorant individuals on the U.S. political scene."

B. Hussein Obama is certainly well educated. I mean, he did go to Harvard and he did lecture at the University of Chicago. But when it comes to public policy, Obama is without a doubt one of the most ignorant individuals on the U.S. political scene.

In case you haven't heard, Obama yesterday praised The People's Republic of China's infrastructure. Here's what he said:

"Their ports, their train systems, their airports are vastly the superior to us now, which means if you are a corporation deciding where to do business, you're starting to think, 'Beijing looks like a pretty good option.'"

In case ol' B. Hussein hasn't heard, Chinese citizens have no property rights. If the Chinese government wants to build a port, train station, or airport, it simply seizes the land - without compensating landowners - and puts it up.

In addition, there ain't no pesky zoning regulations to deal with in China. Here in the U.S. of A., any big construction project can't start until the project's constructors have made their way through a maze of zoning commissions, planning commissions, and city council committees ... not to mention city councils themselves (and sometimes state legislatures).

Furthermore, the Sierra Club, Friends of the Earth, Greenpeace, and other environmental groups don't have no - and I mean no - presence in China. In the United States, a massive public works project can literally be stopped by the courts as soon as a rare species of vermin is discovered on the land upon which said project is to be built upon. (If a Greenpeace sombitch was silly enough to try to stop a public works project in China on behalf of a worm or stream, his ass would soon become well acquainted with the inside of a dank, dark prison cell.)

Finally, China is a nation in which labor unions are forbidden. When a port, or a light rail system, or an airport is constructed, the workers ain't paid union-scale. Indeed, the Davis-Bacon law is as foreign a concept to the Chinese as is freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from illegal search and seizure ... etc.

If Obama wants to emulate China and completely scrap eminent domain, zoning laws, environmentalism, and unions, I say ... Go for it, Barry! The developers'll back you up!

Thursday, August 21, 2008


"Kramer! You're fighting children?!"

One of my all-time favorite television shows is Seinfeld. One of my favorite episodes is the one in which Cosmo Kramer starts taking karate lessons. A 10-year-old boy comes to the door to tell Kramer that it's time to go to class. Jerry asks Kramer if he has class at the same time as the kid, to which Kramer replies, "We're in the same class. He almost beat me!" Jerry tells Kramer that he doesn't need karate to beat up a 10-year-old: "You can just wring his neck!" Several scenes then ensue in which Kramer is seen beating the tar out of his classmates. At the end of the episode, Kramer's classmates - about 15 or 20 in all - corner Kramer in an alley and proceed to beat the tar out of him.

I thought about that Seinfeld when I stumbled across this from How to win a fight against twenty children. Here's a sample:

Whether you’re a good man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or a dangerous maniac, we here at Cracked want to help. That’s why we’ve consulted with the experts (who did not wish to be named) on how to maximize your odds of winning a fight against twenty children. Follow these guidelines, and your opponents will wish they were never born 6 or 7 years ago. ...

Be aware of the terrain. By default, you’re going to have a height advantage against twenty children, but be sure you don’t cede it. Avoid fighting around picnic tables, monkey bars, or anything with which a particularly daring child could launch an aerial attack. The ideal situation is fighting children who are trapped in a ditch below you. ...

Speed. You want this fight to be over fast. Children have boundless amounts of energy, and you’ll tire quickly as the fight progresses. If you schedule your fights with twenty children in advance for some reason, I urge you to focus your pre-training regimen on cardiovascular conditioning and snorting eye-wateringly large amounts of cocaine.

Intimidation. Although I don’t expect you to be intimidated by the prospect of fighting twenty children - given the self-confidence that comes with maturity - remember that intimidation is a two way street. Twenty is a big number, and if that many children lose their fear of you, watch out. Use fierce roars and displays of strength to frighten the children. When taunting, remember that children are almost comically stupid, and won’t understand any of your more creative taunts. You won’t intimidate anyone if you have to explain three times specifically what you did to their mother last night.

Go for the leader first. Assuming the twenty children lack military training, they’re going to behave more like a pack of animals than a cohesive group. By default, pack animals will defer to an alpha leader, and if you manage to subdue that child, the rest of the pack will quickly lose their will to fight. In some cases the leader will be actively giving orders and therefore easy to identify. Other times they’ll be harder to pick out. In those cases, go for the tallest one, or the one with the most Pokemon on their clothing. Once the alpha child is lying in a heap, you’ve got a narrow window of intimidation open while the children regroup. I’d recommend lifting his body over your head and screaming yourself hoarse. That’s the smart veteran move.

Groin attacks. In general the crotch is a small, easily defensible target, and not typically a factor in most fights at a reasonably professional level. That said, when children are attacked by an adult, they’re rarely going to respond professionally. Again, if you have forewarning that you’ll soon be coming to blows with twenty children, absolutely wear a cup. If you do get struck in the groin, under no circumstances should you place your hand on your genitals to massage away the pain - touching your privates while surrounded by minors is illegal in many states, and frowned upon in the rest.

Weapons. I’d suggest refraining from using weapons, and not just because of the harsh mandatory minimum sentencing laws that are a sad reality in this modern age. By bringing a weapon you might prompt the children to bring weapons as well. This kind of escalation plays against you. Whereas before you could fairly safely absorb several dozen tiny little punches before being incapacitated, you’re now at risk of being dropped with a single lucky strike. If a child with a pair of safety scissors gets at your Achilles tendon (the groin of the ankle) then you’re cooked buddy.

Let the last one walk away. In Professional Twenty-Child-Fighting Leagues this is now tradition, but even during raw, underground twenty child street-fights it serves an important purpose. By letting that child spread word of your great strength and not-to-be-fucked-withedness amongst the other children of the area, you can ensure that it will be a long time indeed before someone else mewls at you that you’re hogging the swings.


Gotta love that party unity!

As Democrats head to Denver for what has been billed as a "show of unity," a story is circulating that disputes the notion that all is well in Democratland:

A brother of New York Sen. Hillary Clinton and local Democrats who backed her unsuccessful presidential campaign socialized privately Monday with a top surrogate of the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Arizona Sen. John McCain.

The private gathering featured Carly Fiorina, Mr. McCain's top economic adviser, and took place at the Dunmore home of political consultant Jamie Brazil, a longtime friend of Mrs. Clinton's family who has signed on as paid national director of Mr. McCain's Citizens for McCain Coalition.

The attendees included Tony Rodham, Mrs. Clinton's youngest sibling, his wife, Megan, and their two children; attorney Kathleen Granahan Kane, who coordinated Mrs. Clinton's presidential campaign in Northeast Pennsylvania during the primary election; and Virginia McGregor, sister of Scranton Mayor Chris Doherty.

With the Democratic National Convention less than a week away, the gathering raises questions about the support Illinois Sen. Barack Obama can expect from former local supporters of Mrs. Clinton, who dominated at the polls in the Northeast in the April primary election. Mrs. Clinton won 74 percent of Lackawanna County Democrats to Mr. Obama's 26 percent.

Gotta love that party unity, n'est-ce pas?!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Pic of the day

I love cows. I love to eat 'em, and I love to look at 'em.

I love to eat cows because, well, nothing tastes better than a medium-rare steak, a cheeseburger, or a big pot o' chili. I love to look at cows 'cause my grandfather raised cattle, and I spent many summers watching black and brown cows make their way 'round a pasture into which I could literally spit from my grandparents' back porch.

I often pass a little pond on my way home from work, around which cattle are usually grazing. Every once in a while I'll catch sight of a cow taking a dip. Like today:

Oh, if you think that pond's a little green-lookin', well your eyes ain't deceiving you. It is green. Green 'cause it's full of algae.

That pic just goes to show you that when a cow's hot, he or she ain't above taking a dip in a pond with a color scheme inspired by The Riddler.


If he ain't already, B. Hussein needs to start gettin' worried ...

This story tickles me in a way that if a young lady tickled me in such a way, I'd say, "Yeah, that's nice. That's the spot." (Apologies to Family Guy.) Check it:

"FiveThirtyEight runs a rather unique projection site. Unlike RCP's crude averages that follow the current state of the race, 538 tries to project the result based on current polls, underlying demographics, and cyclical trends (i.e. when a convention bump happens, 538 will be discounting those numbers). 538 runs a large number of simulations using a calculated probability of winning each state.

"For the first time this general election, a majority of simulations are showing a McCain victory. The narrowing has crossed over and McCain now has a better chance of winning than Obama does. This result comes from a huge load of polls released today."


Will Obama be buying some of his votes?

Interesting stuff from the Campaign for Working Families:

If you have a son our daughter, relative or friend who has bought into the hype about Barack Obama, you need to share this news with them. Barack Obama likes to portray himself as a candidate of hope and change. He wants to be seen as a symbol of reform and of a new politics of unity and bi-partisanship.

He talks a good game, but we have to remember that Obama is, first and foremost, a product of the Chicago political machine. He has associated himself with radicals like Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright. He has been praised by Louis Farrakhan and is followed by legions of “Che Guevara groupies.”

But have you heard of “street money”? There’s an old tradition in Democrat machine politics of turning out the vote with “street money” that is paid to local ward leaders and other supporters to go round up voters, wherever they can be found, on Election Day. To its credit, the Obama campaign reportedly didn’t pay “street money” during the April Pennsylvania primary, and guess what happened? He lost by ten points.

But, according to an article in yesterday’s Philadelphia Daily News, Obama’s operatives have decided to put their principles aside in order to guarantee a huge turnout in Philadelphia in November. The paper quotes Rep. Bob Brady (D-PA), a local party chairman, saying, “They told me there are going to be resources here. That’s what we do in Philadelphia; we pay people to work. They understand that.”

And then there is the socialist group ACORN – the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now. During his “community organizer” days, Obama worked very closely with ACORN in Chicago and served as its legal counsel, suing the state of Illinois on ACORN’s behalf in order to weaken voter registration laws. ACORN workers have been implicated in voter fraud cases in 13 states. ACORN’s political action committee endorsed Obama in February. No doubt much of Obama’s “street money” will find its way into the pockets of ACORN activists.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


What was that about "universal coverage"?

If B. Hussein Obama is elected, and if Democrats (as expected) widen their majorities in Congress, it's a safe bet that some form of government-funded health care will be implemented at some time in the very near future. If you think that's a good thing, you need to check this out (from the September 1, 2008 National Review magazine):

The left wing of the Democratic party still holds up Canada’s "single payer" — that is, entirely government-financed — health-care system as a model. The latest innovation of that system: Overextended doctors are deciding which patients will get treated by drawing names out of a hat. They are rationing health care, in other words, by lottery. Dr. Ken Runciman of Ontario told Canada’s National Post that he had to cut his workload and couldn’t find a better method. "It was just my way of trying to minimize the bias . . . rather than going through the list and saying ‘I don’t like you, and I don’t like you.'" Dr. Runciman has cut 100 patients from his practice, while another doctor in Newfoundland has cut 500 patients. All in all, too few Canadian doctors means that approximately 5 million Canadians are now without family care. What was that about "universal coverage"?

In all of the countries in which a government-run system of health care has been established, rationing of care is the order of the day, day in and day out. Remember that, you Obamaniacs.


Obama's VP: Who can it be now?

B. Hussein Obama is going to announce his choice for VP tomorrow. In keeping with the hip 'n' cool theme of his campaign, he will send a text message to supporters before rolling his choice out to the media.

According to several media sources, Obama has narrowed his VP list down to three: Senator Joe Biden (Delaware), Sen. Evan Bayh (Indiana), and Governor Tim Kaine (Virginia). If that is indeed the case, I would bet that Evan Bayh will be the Democratic vice presidential candidate when we all go to bed tomorrow.

I just don't see Joe Biden getting picked. He's a loose cannon who has said some dumb things over the years, like suggesting that you cannot go into a convenience store in the Northeast unless you have an Indian accent. And a lot of folks can't mention his name without mentioning the fact that he had to drop his 1988 presidential bid when it was discovered that he'd plagiarized large portions of his speeches from the leader of the British Labour Party.

Tim Kaine is a bad choice because he's actually served less time in his elected office than Obama has served in his. Obama's been slammed repeatedly for his lack of experience. Imagine the barbs he'll have to endure if he adds to his ticket someone who's been in office just two-and-a-half years.

So, my money's on Bayh. He's a moderate with a strong pro-military track record, and he gives Obama a chance to peel a red state away from the Republicans.

You read it here first ...

UPDATE: Obama's VP announcement has been pushed back until tomorrow. Talking heads this morning are talking-up Gov. Tim Kaine. I still say that Obama will choose Sen. Evan Bayh.

Again, you read it here first ...

Monday, August 18, 2008


Obama: Jesus, Moses, or Jesus, Jr. ...?!

Some folks would have us believe that B. Hussein Obama is Jesus. Last week, I seen a bumper sticker in my doctor's parking lot bearing this slogan:

Faith. Hope. Obama.

The font on said bumper sticker was Old English script -- you know, like you'd find on something displaying a verse from the Bible.

Reckon what would've happened in 2000 if supporters of Governor George W. Bush, invoking the famous passage from Corinthians, had printed up bumper stickers with saying this: "Faith. Hope. George W." Something would've hit a fan, big time ... that's what would've happened.

That said, Obama himself has more or less suggested that he might just be Moses. To wit:

"I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when ... the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal."

Oh, and now Nancy Pelosi has gone on record to suggest that Obama is, in fact, a New Messiah:

"[B. Hussein Obama] is a leader that God has blessed us with at this time."

So, is Obama Jesus, Moses, or Jesus, Jr.?

Inquiring minds want - nay, need - to know!


Lemme tell you what's "creepy"

Buzz Bissinger, author of Friday Night Lights, says Olympic women's gymnastics are "creepy." I couldn't agree more. Check this out:

"In fact I can’t think of any competition in the Olympics, or all of SportsWorld, more creepy and disturbing: these largely shapeless girls in their leotards and flaxen-waxen hair and bouncy-wouncy ponytails. 'They look like girls from the neck up,' I was told by Joan Ryan, whose 1995 book, Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, blew a sky-high lid off the sadomasochistic training regimens that young female gymnasts were being subjected to. She continued: 'From the neck down they look like prepubescent boys.'

"During the Olympics, when a female gymnast finishes an event and hugs her coach, often a man three times her age, I cringe at what I believe is the unsavory stench of the sport in general — children under the wing of men who based on lengthy documentation have proven to be abusive, relentless, intolerant, humiliating and, in some instances, accused of sexual misconduct. 'These girls will do anything for these guys,' Ms. Ryan told me. 'They have such control over them.'

"For the mothers and young daughters who watch in droves, Olympic female gymnasts represent the little princess fantasy, perfect pixies in those perfect ponytails. For the men who watch, they may say they do so because of the pure sport of it. But for some the voyeuristic fantasy is part of the mix as well, these older-men-little-girl relationships that remind me for some reason of the Louis Malle film Pretty Baby and Brooke Shield’s role as a coquettish 12-year-old prostitute in New Orleans in the early 1900’s."

Read the rest here.

Way back in 1996, I had a conversation with a wrench-turning co-worker -- I was working at a trucking company at the time -- who told me that he had a "crush" on Kerri Strug. The co-worker in question was in his late 30s.

Ever since that conversation, I've watched maybe - maybe - 20 minutes of Olympic coverage of women's gymnastics. It creeped me out long before it creeped Mr. Bissinger out.


What happened to the Dog Days ...?

In Nashville today, the temperature got up to 91. Ordinarily this wouldn't be news. But today it's news because the last 18 days have been unlike any first-two-weeks-of-August days I can remember in my lifetime.

Nashville's high temperatures of late have hovered in the mid to high-80s. Couple the unseasonable high temps with low humidity - we haven't had a day in days during which there wasn't a stiff breeze blowing - and folks in Music City have been able to enjoy the most, well, enjoyable August in a long, long time.

Not ten days ago, Nashville's overnight low temperature dipped down to 60 degrees (outlying areas had low temps in the 50s). I actually turned my A/C up that night and opened my bedroom windows. I do not recall ever being able to sleep without A/C in the month of August in the city of Nashville -- and mes parents couldn't recall such a night, either.

If this August without Dog Days is a result of "climate change," I say: Gimme more climate change. Al Gore be damned!

Saturday, August 16, 2008


Reckon where Jesus stands on earmark reform?

The Democratic nominee in Utah’s 3rd Congressional District told the Salt Lake Tribune that Jesus would vote for him if he had the chance.

"Bennion Spencer is writing a book about how Jesus would view certain policies. He says Jesus would oppose making President Bush’s tax cuts permanent and that he would support a 'very compassionate' immigration policy."

What proof does Mr. Spencer have to suggest that Jesus would oppose tax cuts or support no-borders immigration policies? He doesn't, of course, have any proof to make such claims. And for all those liberal religious types out there who think Spencer is right, I want you to tell me where I can find in the Bible the passage in which Jesus says, "Gather ye collectively in a redistributionist welfare state to demonstrate compassion and grace for ye brethren." I'm waiting ...


Bad news for B. Hussein

A Gallup daily tracking poll released yesterday showed B. Hussein Obama and John McCain tied at 44 percent.

This is bad news for Obama. Considering that the American electorate is in a sour mood these days ('cause of high gas and food prices, and low home prices, among other things) -- and considering that the mainstream media has done its level best to portray Obama as a messiah, er, president-in-waiting -- Obama should be at least 10 points ahead of McCain at this point in the campaign.

From Gallup:

"McCain has so far been unable to grab the lead from Obama in national polls but he’s held the Illinois senator to a narrow advantage. Gallup showed Obama’s lead toggling between 2 and 6 points in the first half of August.

"McCain is in the middle of an aggressive ad blitz, and has been hammering the theme that Obama is an aloof celebrity in an attempt to gain traction with voters. ...

"McCain was holding his final all-hands-on-deck strategy meeting with senior staff Friday before the announcement of his running mate and the GOP national convention."

Obama is sure to get a post-convention bounce in the polls when the Democrats leave Denver. If John McCain were smart, he'd announce his choice for VP - and maybe his pledge to serve only one term ("I'm going to fix the mess in Washington and then retire to Arizona") - smack in the middle of the Democratic National Convention. Even if such an announcement failed to put weights on Obama's "bounce," it would go a long way toward pissing on the Democrats' parade ... which is always a good thing.

Friday, August 15, 2008


Pic of the day

During one of my three one-mile walks 'round my company's parking lot today, I seen a jet fighter (F-16, I think) pass overhead. While it only took about 5 seconds for the jet to enter and leave my line of sight, its vapor trail stuck around for a while. To wit:

As I watched that jet fighter pass overhead, I had to resist the urge to raise my arms and shout, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

Reckon what B. Hussein Obama and Nancy Pelosi would say if they they were standing in a parking lot and looked up to see a military aircraft noisily passing overhead?

Given what I know about Mr. Obama and Ms. Pelosi, I gar-un-damn-tee that neither of 'em would be tempted to shout, "U.S.A! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"


I love me some good trompe l'oeil appliqués!

There's no getting around the fact that speeding is hazardous to pedestrians and motorists alike. The challenge has been persuading drivers to heed warnings and slow down. So far, not many have.

This short article from the August 2008 Newsmax magazine caught my attention:

"Traditional speed bumps have been widely criticized for damaging vehicles. And those plain-old CAUTION signs -- ha, a joke. In Ohio, one industrious family is selling life-size cardboard cut-outs of radar-wielding cops, young children, and even dogs ... which, when placed at roadsides, appear to have some effect on mindless speeders.

"Another low-tech innovation getting a good look-see has been recently introduced at about 100 locations in Philadelphia. Trompe l'oeil appliqués flat in the middle of roads ... create an optical illusion, tricking motorists into thinking, at least momentarily, that they are seeing sizable 3D obstacles up ahead. Will Philly's drivers eventually catch on to the ruse and ignore the fake bumps? Probably. But for now, at least, they appear to be tapping their brakes." [Sidebar: "Trompe l'oeil appliqués" means, roughly, "applications that fool the eye."]

I don't know about the whole cardboard cut-out thing; but I do like the sound of "3D obstacles" as devices to make people obey the law and otherwise behave. Imagine if 3D images of armored personnel carriers and M4-toting soldiers could be inserted into high-crime areas. Perhaps each APC could appear to bear a spray-painted slogan on its side: "We have orders to shoot lawbreakers on sight." A couple-dozen such apparitions would probably have a more positive effect on urban well-being than a fifty midnight basketball leagues and/or a hundred community outreach programs.


How do you say "sh**" in Chinese?!

When asked how she thought her Chinese opponents reacted to having to face her and her partner, U.S. Olympic badminton player Gail Emms said this (HT: Sports Illustrated):

"They probably looked at the draw and said 'Shit!' Well, maybe 'Shit!' in Chinese."

Ms. Emms sounds like my kind o' gal ...!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Happy Birthday to me (for real this time)!

Joltin' Django was born on this day eleven and one-half years ago. For his birthday this year, Django received two incredible gifts: Shelby Foote's 3-volume The Civil War: A Narrative (paperback), and the 7-disc Boston Red Sox 2004 World Series Collector's Edition DVD set.

Okay, so I was foolin' with the whole 11 1/2-years-old thing. I wasn't foolin' when I said today is my birthday. And I'm not foolin' when I say that for the next two weeks -- minus a couple of days that I have to attend to out-of-town b'iness -- I'll be completely consumed with the War Between the States and the 2004 Boston Red Sox.

So don't bother me ...


Pic of the day

There sure have been a lot of rabbits runnin' through Joltin' Django's backyard this summer. Them rabbits must be breeding like, well, rabbits ...

Tain't the best picture, I know. Little sucker wouldn't sit still long enough for me to get a clear shot of 'im.


Commies ♥ B. Hussein Obama (update)

You had to see this one coming:

"The Communist Party USA’s newspaper is defending Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama against potential defectors on the left, saying his candidacy represents a 'broad multi-class, multicultural movement.'

"In a July editorial, 'Eye on the Prize,' the People’s Weekly World, the official newspaper of the Communist Party USA, admonished anyone on the left who might consider abandoning Obama.

"'Barack Obama is not a left candidate,' the editorial said. 'This fact has seemingly surprised a number of progressive people who are bemoaning Obama’s shift to the center. It’s sad that some who seek progressive change are missing the forest for the trees. '

"'But they will not dampen the wide and deep enthusiasm for blocking a third Bush term represented by John McCain, or for bringing Obama by a landslide into the White House with a large Democratic congressional majority,' it added.

"The editorial, though never using the word 'endorse,' expressed excitement about his candidacy. It also used numerous slogans from the Obama campaign such as 'hope,' 'change' and 'third Bush term.'"

I took some heat a few weeks back when I reported the enthusiasm in many Commie quarters for one B. Hussein Obama. Those who took issue with what I said need to ask themselves this important question: Why is America's main Commie outfit, the Communist Party USA, so enthusiastic 'bout the prospect of an Obama Presidency? Could it be that his socialist/statist views and voting record are right up your average Commie's alley? That's exactly what I think ...

Monday, August 11, 2008


John McCain is ready. Barack Obama is not.

There's a Simpsons episode in which Homer steers a submarine into Russian waters. Remember that'n?!

When Homer makes his inadvertent turn at the sea dragon (!), the Soviet Union immediately announces that it's back in business (tanks and goose-stepping troops appear in Red Square); the Berlin Wall literally springs back to life, replete with guard towers and machine guns; and Lenin smashes out of his mausoleum whilst exclaiming, "Must ... Crush ... Capitalism!"

What seemed like a joke a decade ago is today happening right before our eyes. The Soviet, er, Russian bear is again stalking the woods, and it's biting the hell out of democratic/capitalistic Georgia -- and by "biting" I mean shelling, bombing, strafing, etc. It's the work of former-Russian President/current-Russian PM Vladimir Putin, for sure, who not so long ago stated that the demise of the Soviet Union was the greatest calamity of the last-half of the twentieth century.

If it were up to me, I'd start arming the Georgians like Nixon armed the Israelis in '73. But it ain't up to me. It may, however, be up to the next American president to do something of the sort to save Georgia from Russian domination. And, to be honest, what I've heard from one B. Hussein Obama in the face of the current crisis has convinced me - as if I needed any further convincing - that he ain't nowhere near ready to assume the position of Commander-in-Chief.

Gary Bauer agrees:

"Who do you want in the White House when the phone rings at 3 A.M. and there is a national security crisis?" It was a question worth asking this weekend as Russian tanks and bombers pummeled the pro-western democracy of Georgia in a dramatic display of brute force, reminiscent of the old Soviet Union.

When the news broke, Senator Barack Obama responded in the context of his leftwing ideology and "citizen of the world" philosophy. He refused to blame either side, just as the Left often does when it comes to Islamic terrorism against Israel, and he called on both Russia, the aggressor, and Georgia, the victim, to show restraint.

Senator McCain’s immediate reaction was quite different. He said, "Russia should immediately and unconditionally cease its military operations and withdraw all forces from sovereign Georgian territory."

The contrast was amazing and extremely important. One candidate signaled weakness and neutrality in the face of blatant aggression. The other candidate demonstrated strength and resolve. If you were in the Kremlin and wanted to rebuild the Russian empire, which man would you prefer to be in the Oval Office?

The Russian invasion of Georgia is an important moment. Foreign policy analyst Robert Kagan suggested today that August 8, 2008 will be judged by history to be as important as November 9, 1989, when the Berlin Wall fell. He warned the U.S. to get ready for a new era of great power confrontations, battles over resources and aggression. "The next president had better be ready," said Kagan.

John McCain is ready. Barack Obama is not.



Doug Patton speaks true truth to power

Doug Patton, a regular contributor over at GOPUSA, hits a big ol' nail on its big ol' head:

I have never been an advocate of the popular notion that "everyone should vote." Some people look at me as if I am somehow un-American when I say that I am not in favor of encouraging people to vote who would otherwise never darken the door of a polling place. I really don't want someone on the streets of Hollywood, who just failed to identify the vice president of the United States on one of Jay Leno's "Jay-Walking" segments, helping to select the person who will lead my government for the next four years.

Patton then gives us a "basic, common-sense" test that every American wishing to vote should have to answer before he or she could enter a voting booth. Here 'tis:

1. Name the three branches of the federal government.

2. Name the current president and vice president of the United States.

3. How long have they served?

4. How long are the president and vice president allowed to serve?

5. How many members are there in the U.S. House of Representatives?

6. How are House Members chosen?

7. How long is their term in office?

8. How long are they allowed to serve?

9. Name the current speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

10. Which party currently holds the majority in the U.S. House of Representatives?

11. How many members are there in the U.S. Senate?

12. How are U.S. Senators normally chosen?

13. How long is a U.S. Senator's term in office?

14. How long are they allowed to serve?

15. Name the current majority leader of the U.S. Senate.

16. Which party currently holds the majority in the U.S. Senate?

17. How many individuals currently sit on the United States Supreme Court?

18. Name three of them.

19. How are members of the U.S. Supreme Court selected?

20. How long can Supreme Court Justices serve?

21. What is an electoral vote?

22. How many electoral votes are currently required in order to elect the president and vice president?

23. How is the president selected if he/she fails to receive the required number of electoral votes?

24. How is the vice president selected if he/she fails to receive the required number of electoral votes?

25. What is an executive order?

26. How is an amendment to the U.S. Constitution passed?

27. How many constitutional conventions has the United States had?

Patton adds:

If a potential voter could not answer at least 18 of these questions (two-thirds), he/she should not be allowed to vote.

If it were up to me, I'd add a few questions 'bout basic economics and make it a 30-question quiz. If a he or she can't show even a basic grasp of the laws of supply and demand, then he or she shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a voting booth. So there.

That said, I didn't miss a single question on Patton's quiz. How'd you do? Would you be able to vote if Doug Patton and Joltin' Django were runnin' things in the U.S.A.?!

Oh, answers are here.


Political quiz time!

My "cousin" David - who calls Arizona home - sends us this quiz, which he calls "more thoughtful and ironic than hilarious" (but "good" nonetheless):

If you're an independent, moderate or conservative on the fence about whether to vote for McCain or Obama, here's a helpful guide:

It's unlikely you'll vote for Obama if you ...

1. aren't a news anchor.
2. read the New York Times for pretty much the same reason the NSA monitors radio transmissions.
3. automatically conclude that the person laughing in the car next to you must be listening to Rush. Or maybe Obama off teleprompter.
4. dislocated your shoulder trying to explain Obama's position on Iraq to co-workers.
5. find autobiographies generally more interesting when the author has, you know, done something.
6. remember the Carter Administration.
7. would give a month's pay to play Jack Bauer's partner on 24.
8. increasingly agree with Mark Steyn that "almost everything [Obama] says is, well, nuts."
9. think it's relevant — despite what the sophisticates say — that several of Obama's mentors and associates have displayed a dislike for America or a disdain for Americans.
10. think it's relevant that several of McCain's mentors and associates are American heroes of historic magnitude.
11. think about 9/11 more than once a year.
12. have concluded that Larry the Cable Guy makes way more sense than Howard Dean.
13. feel a little safer during turbulence when your pilot is a calm "white haired dude."
14. thought about Hillary's 3:00 a.m. phone call ad when you first heard about Russian tanks in Georgia.
15. wonder why Obama felt it necessary to give a speech on patriotism.
16. get sorta creeped out by 200,000 Germans chanting "Obama! Obama!"
17. think the jury may still be out on Harvard Law School.
18. suspect "merci beaucoup" is French for "empty suit."
19. doubt that teleprompters are really magical dispensers of good ideas.
20. know in your gut that defiantly withstanding 4 1/2 years of torture trumps all of Obama's qualifications and accomplishments combined — regardless of what the elite pundits say.
21. repeatedly find yourself asking "Change to what?"
22. have ever used the term "pompous twit" in the same sentence with "Marx," "Marcuse," or "Sartre."
23. don't like being told what to do — especially by someone who hasn't done it.
24. really like ticking off the media, Hollywood, academics, and PC-busybodies everywhere.
25. weren't born yesterday.

Score (# of descriptions that apply to you):
0— Go ahead, write in Dennis Kucinich
1—3 Obama may be your choice after all
4—5 You think Hillary got a raw deal and won't vote Obama
6—24 McCain's your man
25 It's OK to write in Reagan one, it comes from the blogs on National Review

Saturday, August 09, 2008


Yo Soy El Cartelua!

Over at Marvel Comics' Web site, you can create your own Super Hero!

Here's my creation:

I named my Super Guy El Cartelua (aka The Badass) 'cause B. Hussein Obama correctly suggested that Hispanic immigrants don't need to learn English, but American citizens need to learn Spanish.

Shouldn't nobody anger El Cartelua, the Badass Protector of American Capitalism®, by praising Karl Marx or getting all ga-ga for the Great Society. He'll shoot a feller or gal who does so with his pistol, or his back-holstered shotgun, and not feel one ounce of guilt after doing so.


Lemme tell you what needs to be done ...

Out in Los Angeles, people who express dissatisfaction with graffiti in their neighborhoods are, well, dying:

One man got stabbed. Another got shot in the chest. A 6-year-old boy was temporarily blinded when he was spray-painted in the face.

And they were the lucky ones among those who have had run-ins with graffiti "crews," or gangs.

Over the past 2 1/2 years in Southern California, three people have been killed after trying to stop graffiti vandals in the act. A fourth died after being shot while watching a confrontation between crews in a park.

"We have seen a marked increase in these graffiti-tagging gangs taking to weapons and fighting to protect their walls, their territory, their name," said Los Angeles County sheriff's Lt. Robert Rifkin.

I live in South Nashville, so I know all about graffiti. I've long stated that there's but one way to deal with graffiti, and it don't entail "task forces," or "increased police patrols," or anything of the like. No, here's what can be done to stop graffitos dead in their tracks ...

Each and every time gang-related graffiti appears on a building, bridge, or street sign, it should be immediately tagged with a homophobic statement. For example:

A "SUR 13" tag should be followed by an equally bold "Butt Buddies" tag. Each and every "BP" (Brown Pride) tag should be followed by a "Wears Lace Panties" spray-painting.

We all know about Latin machismo. If we want to choke off that machismo before it gets chemically-displayed on private property, we need to throw political correctness out the door and launch a cultural ball-kicking offensive (no pun intended).

"Butt Buddies" and "Wears Lace Panties" is just a start. There're so many more insults that could cause a hardened Hispanic gang-banger to blush. You know some, so why don't you share 'em?

Friday, August 08, 2008


An error in the Tennessean? What else is new ...?

The Tennessean has a long history of glaring misstatements of fact, so I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised when I read this in the morning paper:

"U.S. Rep. Lincoln Davis [D-Pall Mall] ... is considering a Senate run in 2010."

Tennesseans will not be casting votes for U.S. Senate in 2010. Sen. Lamar Alexander is running for re-election this year, and Sen. Bob Corker will not face re-election until 2012. Seems like a reporter for a major metropolitan daily would know such things. And if she didn't, her editor should've. Right?

That said, Lincoln Davis might just find his way onto Tennesseee's statewide ballot in 2010 ... as a gubernatorial candidate. But he ain't gonna win. I said as much a couple of months ago.


Re: L'Affaire John Edwards

The fact that the mainstream media has a distinct liberal bias is not news -- at least not to conservatives. If anyone still has doubts, they should cogitate for a moment on L'Affaire John Edwards.

Last October, the National Enquirer reported that John Edwards -- former-U.S. Senator, former-Vice Presidential candidate, and then-candidate for President of the United States -- was having an affair behind his terminally cancer-stricken wife's back. Not only that, but the Enquirer also alleged that Edwards had fathered a child with his mistress.

Edwards denied the affair, of course, and then he continued his smug, self-righteous campaign for the nation's highest office. He even went so far as to say that the Enquirer's allegations were "tabloid trash."

Fast forward to today, 10 months after the National Enquirer's original story, and John Edwards admitted that he had a sexual relationship with a someone who worked on his presidential campaign. He denied being the father of his paramour's child, but he did not even attempt to explain why he visited her and her child at a ritzy Hollywood hotel just two weeks ago -- something only the National Enquirer dared report.

I say all this for one important reason: Rumors about John Edwards' girlfriend and his love child have been circulating for months. Yet, it took a gossipy tabloid to first break, and then print follow-up reports on, Edwards' misdeeds. If John Edwards were a Republican, would rumors of his sexual comings-and-goings (no pun intended) have gone unmentioned in the mainstream media? Of course not. And only an idiot would say otherwise.

In the past few years, the out-of-line sexual escapades of Republican Senators Larry Craig and David Vitter, and Rep. Mark Foley, received wall-to-wall coverage on cable news and top-fold coverage in most major newspapers literally hours after the allegations were, well, alleged.

So, why did it take 10 freakin' months for virtually every mainstream media outlet to report on the Edwards And His Love Child story?

Because, Virginia, there does exist in the media a liberal bias. That's why.

Thursday, August 07, 2008


Happy Birthday to me!

This blog is celebrating its second birthday this week. Please to enjoy the very first posts ever, well, posted here at The Night Seen Creeder. I'm still pretty proud of both of 'em. To wit:

A lard-ass exits

Former NBA star Charles Barkley is abandoning the Republican Party. As a dues-paying, card-carrying member of the GOP, I can only say this: Don't let the door hit you in your very ample ass, Mr. Barkley.

It seems Charles "I Just Love a Buffet" Barkley wants to be governor of Alabama. He's been prattling about running for governor of Alabama since he first began dashing - albeit very slowly - up and down various NBA b-ball courts some two decades ago. 'Round 1995 or so, Barkley said he was considering running in 1998 as a Republican, but the Barkley for Gov'nor campaign never materialized.

Now Barkley's joinin' up with the Democratic Party. (We Republicans, you see, have apparently "lost [our] minds.") And he's once again floating the Barkley for Gov'nor (2010) trial balloon. Alabama Dems have said nary a word 'bout the Rotund One's future gubernatorial campaign, but they're welcoming him into the party with open arms: "[We]welcome Charles Barkley," said Alabama Democratic Party chairman Joe Turnham.

Charles Barkley joins a long list of celebrities who've deluded themselves into thinking that living rich and smiling for a paparazzo's camera makes them experts on public policy. (Tennessee resident Tim McGraw, another proud member of the Democratic Party, recently stated that he'd make a fine governor of Tennessee 'cause he could "make some decisions and change some things." Yes, Sir Plugs-A-Lot actually uncorked that bit of inanity.) Mr. Barkley's hubris, however, is not his most objectionable character trait ... oh, no. Indeed, Mr. Barkley's propensity to dispense diarrhea-of-the-mouth inanities will soon be the bane of Democrats in the state of Alabama and beyond.

Now, I've not a single iron in the fire of Alabama politics, but I'd like to say this to one Joe Turnham:

Carefully consider those whom you "welcome," sir. You may very well regret your welcoming, er, welcome.

... And a lard-ass returns

For the next three months, folks in and around Nashville can look forward to seeing the visage of Bob Rochelle on their TV screens as the former state senator seeks to return to Tennessee's upper legislative chamber. I - lucky me - spied my first Rochelle for Senate TV spot just hours before he was declared the winner in the District 17 Democratic primary. After cogitating a bit on the political ad in question, I simply must say this:

Bob Rochelle has a set of brass you-know-whats the size of basketballs.

I'm not bothered by Bob Rochelle's on-air by-the-book Democratic nitwittery, i.e., he's gonna "protect" these while "fighting for" those, etc. No, what irks me is the fact that Rochelle's campaigning as if he were still in office ... and he wants us all to forget that he dropped his 2002 re-election bid when it became clear that his big ass was going to be defeated.

Sen. Bob Rochelle was Waterboy Number One for the state income tax proposed by Gov. Don Sundquist during Tennessee's 2001-02 budget battle. When it became clear that he was going to lose his legislative seat due to his staunch support for said income tax, Rochelle quickly scuttled his re-election bid 'cause he and his had been subjected to innumerable death threats.

Of course, no credible evidence was unearthed to verify that Bob Rochelle had indeed been the subject of death threats; and to this day Big Bob's yet to acknowledge that he did in fact pussy-out of the 2002 campaign. Now he thinks he deserves his old job back. Puh-leez.

As far as Tennessee's current state of political affairs is concerned, Bob Rochelle is a dinosaur (and for once I'm not alluding to his ample girth). Rochelle is a tax and spend liberal who continues to hope and pray that his leftist/statist views will be muted when he opens his "country-boy" pie-hole. No amount of baritone bombasity, however, can hide the fact that Bob Rochelle is a quitter, pure and simple. Instead of defending his actions and ideas in the political arena in 2002, he decided to tuck-tail and run.

Only in Tennessee could Democratic voters find it within themselves to vote for a quitter. Andrew Jackson is probably spinning in his grave.


$1 billion in one quarter ...

The U.S. Postal Service lost $1 billion in the quarter ending June 30. That's $1 billion in one quarter.

Think about that whenever you hear B. Hussein Obama state that the government can efficiently run a socialist health care system, or when you hear another U.S. Representative threaten to "take over" oil companies.


Your tax dollars at work

One of Speaker Nancy Pelosi's throne-sniffers, Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ), is sponsoring a bill that would "provide for the issuance of a commemorative postage stamp on the subject of inflammatory bowel disease." What's next, a set of stamps to recongnize those who suffer from searing gas pain?

And some people wonder why Congress has record-low approval ratings ...

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Bowl this!

Yesterday, Joltin' Django joined one of his best buds for a couple of friendly games of bowling at a local old-school alley:

We both had pizza up to the back of our eyeballs when we laced up our bowling shoes. Oh, and we'd had some beers, too. Imagine our surprise when we both were able to get a turkey during the first game we bowled.

Wanna know why I didn't post nothin' last night? I was a little bit drunk. I was full of a lot of Sir Pizza. And I was more than ready to hit the bed and dream about my three-strikes-in-a-row bowling effort.

So there!


Will Cohen get goin'?

To listen to B. Hussein Obama tell it, he's a candidate who transcends racial and partisan politics. I'm sure to prove that point, Obama went to bat for Georgia U.S. Rep. John Barrow, a conservative Democrat, in his bitterly contested primary election this June. Keeping that in mind, I can only wonder why Obama hasn't done the same for Tennessee's Steve Cohen?

From the day that Cohen (a white guy who represents the majority-black 9th Congressional District) assumed his place in the U.S. House of Representatives, there's been a rather vocal crowd in Memphis who've been out to get 'im because his skin isn't sufficiently dark. Last year, said crowd recruited a mediocrity named Nikki Tinker to run against Cohen; and the Tinker campaign has unleashed one outrageous ad (stating that Cohen, a Jew, doesn't "love Jesus") after another (more or less linking Cohen to the KKK).

If ever there was someone who needed the post-racial, post-partisan Obama's assistance, it's Steve Cohen. Cohen, it should be mentioned, endorsed Obama when a majority of Democrats were stating for the record that Hillary Clinton's nomination was all but inevitable. Has that gotten him any thanks from the Chosen One? Obviously, as the Cohen campaign can tell you, NOPE!

So why hasn't the Chosen One come to the defense of an early supporter - an elected official who most likely would carry water for an Obama Administration - who's been the subject of blatantly bigoted and anti-Semitic attacks? I don't think anyone knows.

If Steve Cohen officially becomes a one-termer at 7 p.m. tomorrow (Tennessee's Primary Election Day's polls close at 7 tomorrow) reckon B. Hussein will give him a call? If he does, what do you think he'll say? "Sorry you lost to a female Tennessee version of Al Sharpton!" You think I'm kidding, but what else could B. Hussein say?


Gauge this, B. Hussein!

On a pretty much daily basis, B. Hussein Obama says something that proves that he is completely unqualified to be President of the United States. On the campaign trail in Ohio yesterday, Obama said this 'bout oil/gas prices:

"You can inflate your tires to the proper levels and that if everybody in America inflated their tires to the proper level, we would actually probably save more oil than all the oil we'd get from John McCain drilling right below his feet there, or wherever he was going to drill."

Obama continued ...

"Now two points, one, they know they're lying about what my energy plan is, but the other thing is they're making fun of a step that every expert says would absolutely reduce our oil consumption by 3 to 4 percent. It’s like these guys take pride in being ignorant."

First of all, Obama is a dumbass to suggest that oil consumption can can be reduced 3 to 4 percent if folks simply inflate their tires to proper levels (ABC News said Obama was full o' you-know-what last week). He's a really big dumbass for suggesting that his tire-inflation scheme will "save" more oil than can be produced by drilling in America's coastal waters. But for him to suggest that folks who didn't faint and fall out when he made those dumbass statements are "ignorant," well, now he's made it personal.

I've been pretty hard on B. Hussein over the past several months ... but I'm gonna take it up a notch. I also intend to be equally hard on anyone who publicly supports the man.

As Cosmo Kramer might say: Gid-E-up!

Monday, August 04, 2008


One Dark Night, indeed!

My bud Bruce and I went to see the new Batman picture show tonight. What a brilliantly dark and violent crime tale 'tis The Dark Knight. And it ain't for kiddies, as Sam Thielman will tell you:

"I should note here that I have been a film reporter for years and have no idea why, beyond the power of the Warner Bros. empire, The Dark Knight is rated PG-13. This is an R-rated movie if I've ever seen one—the violence isn't particularly bloody but it's disturbing. You may laugh at the occasional demented gag, but if you do, you'll feel ill.

"This is a kind of superhero movie we've never seen before ... everyone is just a hair crazier than usual."

Speaking of dark and crazy, this is what Bruce found under his SUV's driver-side windshield-wiper as we were preparing to leave the picture show theatre's parking lot this e'ning:

Truthfully, I think he and I would've been more comfortable knowing that a Joker-style crazy had placed hands on "our" vehicle ... as opposed to a Tom Cruise-style crazy Scientologist. There are a lot of crazy folks in this world, but them Xenu-worshipers are bat-sh** crazy, and then some.

When Bruce and I become manically depressed due to being sued by L. Ron Hubbard's estate - for dissing his fraudulent, hell-burning soul in a public forum - will the Church of Scientology make available their free-from-psychiatry services to him and me? I guess we'll see ...

P.S. I'm sure the Nashville Church of Scientology's Music Row address is no accident. If you'd like to exchange "who is, who ain't" guesses as to which Music Row sorts are members of the Cult, er, Church of Scientology, drop me an e-mail ...

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Re: Hypocrisy

One of my very favorite learned statements of all-time was written by historian Steven F. Hayward, sometime in 2003:

"Hypocrisy is the only moral failing that's yet to become an alternative lifestyle."

If you are so inclined to think that Dr. Hayward is a bombastic sort, you should consider this:

"B. Hussein Obama opposes school vouchers, but he sends his children to a private school with an annual tuition of $38,000-a-year."

I'm sure the average swing-vote family in Iowa, Minnesota, New Mexico, Florida, and Colorado will love to hear that B. Hussein's kid's annual tuition is more than their annual mortgage payments. And I'm sure they want to hear about how Obama can send his kids to the "good" school of his choosing, yet average tax-paying sorts can't have the same choosing option, if you will.

B. Hussein Obama sends his chi'drens to private school, just like Bill and Hillary did with their Angel, Chelsea. You see, when it comes to "educational opportunity," big-money liberals have no problem cutting checks out their personal accounts. But they ain't ready to extend the same, ahem. courtesy, to their fellow citizens.

Again, what was it Dr. Hayward said 'bout "hypocrisy" ...?


Earth First, Make Mankind Our Bitch!

One of the things I detest most about the Earth First, Make Mankind Our Bitch crowd is the fact that they never, ever admit to being wrong ... about anything. When they predict something that doesn't come to pass, or when they make a glaring mistatement of fact, they never say, "Whoops! We f***ed up!" Instead, they say something like this:

"[The horse**** that spewed from my mouth] does not change the fact that we are still witnessing a global climate crises. My prognostications may prove wrong again, but it will not change the fact that we are still witnessing a global climate crisis. And when my prognostications prove wrong yet again, it won't change the fact that we ..."

I recently ran across a rather bold statement Senator Albert Gore, Jr. made on ABC's Nightline program on February 4, 1992. What Gore predicted that evening didn't come to pass, naturally. But I'm pretty sure Tom Cruise will admit Scientology is a cult before Gore will admit that he was full o' **** when he said this:

"The ozone hole is threatening to open over North America ... over Kennebunkport."

Well, the "ozone hole" never opened over North America, much less over Kennebunkport, Maine. (If you're wondering why Gore chose Kennebunkport as Ground Zero for the North American ozone hole, that's where then-President George H.W. Bush had a summer home.) Gore has never issued an Ozone Hole mea culpa; and if he were challenged to do so today, I'm sure he'd say something like:

"[The horse**** that spewed from my mouth] does not change the fact that we are still witnessing a global climate crises. My prognostications may prove wrong again, but it will not change the fact that we are still witnessing a global climate crisis. And when my prognostications prove wrong yet again, it won't change the fact that we ..."

Friday, August 01, 2008


Je ne parle pas français

My family tree's roots - on my dad's side - are deep-down in French soil. My dad's forebears were Huguenots, you see, and they first put down stakes in South Carolina before moving into Tennessee.

Nary a day goes by during which I don't reflect on some French thing of one kind or another. Back during my undergraduate career, I studied la langue et la littérature française à l'université cause of the same, ahem, affliction.

I'm currently reading a book 'bout John Adams (Founding Father and Second President of the United States). Whilst reading earlier this evening, I came across this quote from President Adams:

"[The French] consider nobody but themselves. Their apparent respect and real contempt for all men and all nations but Frenchmen, are proverbial among themselves. They think it is in their power to give characters and destroy characters as they please, and they have no other rule but to give reputation to their tools, and to destroy the reputation of all who will not be their tools. ... To a Frenchman the most important man in the world is himself, and the most important nation is France. He thinks that France ought to govern all nations, and that he ought to govern France. Every man and nation that agrees to this, he is willing to ’populariser’; every man or nation that disputes or doubts it, he will ’depopulariser,’ if he can."

I appreciate the hell out of my French heritage. But I know for a fact that Frenchmen, as a general rule, are arrogant, rude, and quite full of themselves. President Adams knew it for a fact, too. I guess that's why he's my second-favorite Founding Father ... after George Washington, of course.

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