Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Pretty Boy goes bye-bye
John Edwards announced today that he is "suspending" his presidential campaign. You'd think real man would bite the bullet and say he's "ending" his campaign or dropping out. Wait. Real man? John Edwards?
By popular request, here's a portion of the "John Edwards: Oh, so pretty" post that appeared on the Nigh Seen Creeder a couple o' months ago:
John Edwards is the quintessential Emasculated Male. While I'm not certain as to the size of Edwards' cojones, I think he thinks he has a brass pair the size of basketballs. I mean, the man didn't run for re-election to the U.S. Senate because several polls indicated that he'd lose, badly, to whomever the Republicans nominated; he got his ass dusted by Dick Cheney during the '04 V.P. debate; and he couldn't deliver his home state for the Kerry-Edwards ticket. If the folks in his own state didn't want his dumb ass in any elected office, why should Americans, as a whole, want the dumbass as their president?!
That said, here's how I envision an afternoon at the Edwards Estate ...
Elizabeth Edwards: Hey, John, I'm baking a big meatloaf for dinner! I think I'll whip up some mashed potatoes, too.
John Edwards: Baby, you know red meat upsets my stomach. I think I'll just have some cottage cheese and peaches -- maybe some brown rice.
EE: John, you're so picky! I guess I'll give the meatloaf to that little brown fellow who trims the hedges. What's his name? Geor-gee?
JE: Hor-hay, 'Lizbeth, Hor-hay! He may have brown skin, and he may get his hair cut at a barber shop, but that doesn't mean that he's not a part of these two great Americas! (Murmurs: Well, one's not so great, what, with all the shoppin' at Wal-Mart, living in tract homes, and wearing off-the-rack clothes.)
EE: Oh, I almost forgot ... I got us tickets to the Hurricanes game Thursday night. Right behind the bench!
JE: Hockey?! Blech! All that fighting and hitting. No ... thank ... you. Besides, you know I have my scrapbooking group on Thursdays. This is my week to bring the cucumber sandwiches!
EE: I'll ask Geor-gee, er, Hor-hay, if he'd like to join me. Big strapping man like that must love hockey.
JE: Hush, Honey, Oprah's coming on! George Clooney's her guest! (Murmurs: God, he has great hair.)
What is it they say 'bout many a truth being said in jest ...?!