Friday, February 15, 2008


Je suis malade

A nasty bug that's making its way 'round Nashville has bitten Joltin' Django. While yours truly is recuperating, please to enjoy the following Creeder Classic -- which was first published during the lead-up to the 2004 presidential campaign on a now-defunct Web site:

Senator Kerry: Presidential "Whiz" kid

In 1992, the establishment media had a field day castigating President George H.W. Bush when he admitted that he'd never laid eyes on a supermarket check-out scanner. Common sense dictated that it'd been a long time since Bush - who'd served as vice-president and president for 12 years at that point - hit his local Bi-Rite on a whim. Nevertheless, we were told that the president was "hopelessly out of touch."

Fast forward to 2003. Millionaire Senator John Kerry is doing his level best to convince Americans that he's the consummate Everyman. So far, he's not having much luck. It's well known that Kerry, whose mannerisms and tastes are more befitting an effete Frenchman, had his worldview permanently shaped while cloistered in a Swiss finishing school. His refinement at the hands of the Swiss now threatens to doom his presidential campaign (if it really ever had a chance to start with).

During a recent visit to Philadelphia, Kerry visited the legendary Pat's Steaks and ordered cheesesteak -- with Swiss cheese. Kerry's faux pas was akin to someone visiting Nathan's on Coney Island and ordering a tofu dog. If Kerry's Swiss cheese gaffe wasn't bad enough, he asked that he not be photographed while eating. As the Washington Post reported, "Shutters clicked anyway, and Kerry was caught nibbling daintily at his sandwich." (At least he wasn't dumb enough to order a Perrier for washin'-down purposes.)

Anyone who's come within five miles of Philly's famous cheesesteak stands knows that Swiss cheese is not an option when ordering. Ask a small sample of Pat's customers to describe someone who makes such an error, and "out of touch" will probably trip off someone's lips. Is this a trivial point? Perhaps, but so was the endless harping over the first President Bush's supermarket epiphany.

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