Monday, December 14, 2009


Buh-bye, Bart

Well, well, well. Another Tennessee Democrat is gettin' out while the gettin' is good. Word started leaking last night that U.S. Rep. Bart Gordon will announce his retirement today.

I've had some pretty rough things to say about ol' Bart (none of which I take back). Like this:

We Republicans like to speak of big government-lovin' Republicans as being RINOs, or Republicans In Name Only. Well, Bart Gordon is a Blue Dog In Name Only. Blue Dog Democrats fancy themselves as deficit hawks and social conservatives who ain't afraid to buck their party's leaders whey they tilt too far to the left. Bart Gordon ain't a deficit hawk, and he ain't socially conservative. And Bart Gordon has NEVER bucked his leadership on any issue. Indeed, if Nancy Pelosi called Bart Gordon today and said, "Bart, I want you to paint my house," ol' Bart would ask, "What color paint do I need to buy?"

And this:

U.S. Rep. Bart Gordon -- a "card-carrying" Blue Dog -- is basically a city councilman masquerading as a Member of Congress. In his 20+ years in Congress, Gordon has never sponsored a piece of legislation that would significantly change America's tax code or entitlement system or military or judiciary. His most important legislative achievement is a law which bars jailbirds from receiving Pell Grants. Good one, Bart.

Now, if you want to know why your grandma's Social Security check was late in coming, or if you want the bridge that straddles the creek near your house named after your semi-famous grandpa, that's when you call Bart Gordon ... and that's when he shines like the midday sun in July. Gordon is an expert when it comes to piddlin' around, but he's a 13-term amateur when it comes to grasping and tackling the major issues of the day. See what I mean when I say he's a city councilman masquerading as a U.S. Rep?

Next year, when the Tennessean and Daily News Journal are wettin' themselves telling us all what a great Representative of the People Bart's been, I'm going to tell you all an hee-larious story 'bout a message Bart Gordon - personally - left on my answering machine back in the day. Stay tuned.

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